Where the light gets in

Okay so I am already guilty of posting this on my other blog and then on facebook and twitter but words can't express how much I love this performance. I love the flowy costumes, how the women use each other to draw strength, the slightly eerie nature of the dance and then the dancing! Oh my gosh they were all so good. Not one weak link. If I were to quibble and there is one teeny tiny thing--it's the direction. The light kept blinding the camera and I couldn't see the dancers properly some times but otherwise, just gorgeous. Just when I thought the show was getting boring and tired it does something like this.

Guilt infested post

How long has it been? I have been shameless with the updating of this blog. Even now, I'm at a loss as to what to write. I'm going to have a clear (but not so clear, I mean come on it's me.) agenda

Music updates: 

1. Have you heard Devendra Banhart? Love love love. I had heard about him years ago when he was seeing one of the insufferably annoying actresses of my generation, Natalie Portman. I don't care if she's the reason The Shins made it as big as they did, I've never seen someone so annoying as her on screen. Okay but to get back to the point, I decided to listen to him a couple of days ago and it's safe to say I've fallen in love with his broody, melancholic but ultimately floaty charm. He's a little Nick Drake-ish. Now if only he could do something about his unfortunate name. Hippie parents I tell you. Who am I kidding though, I've always wanted to be a hippie.

2. The Shins came out with a new album I've yet to listen to but love anyway in theory. 

3. Marissa Nadler and I are still going strong.

4. I have started listening to Bjork. Yep, finally! I had an entire semester dedicated to her and her Homogenic album. Just gorgeous. 

Poetry updates:

1. I have a new stone being published in a book very soon as part of an anthology. Verrrry excited :)

2. And the poetry continues along with a change in my blog name which I've already explained on my blog.

Life and otherwise:

1. I think I'll collapse if I try this. Let's just say it's been eventful.

I will try and be more regular

A day of discoveries

Sigh, happy happy happy am I. 

I see a theme here

What can I say?

Everything predicates itself on you and me. 

Long time no anything.

It's been far too long since I have posted here. But with no laptop and practically no access to internet neither am I being exposed to much new music (or anything new, really) nor am I very inspired to write. Even my poems are coming from a drying well. Sigh. Inevitable I guess.

But oh, I heard this today and I am more than a little in love with it. I feel like lying on my bed and stretching endlessly to it. Yep. Just stretching.



Enjoy! Hopefully I'll be back in full form soon. 

League of Extraordinary Dancers on So You Think You Can Dance

Okay how amazing are these dancers? It isn't possible for me to love this show more.



As soon as I am more free and settled I am going to be catching the web series. You should too. 

Kinship, writing and Marissa Nadler

Have you ever come across an artist with whom you felt an instant connection? This connection is different from others, it's not merely that the artist speak of things you know well and intimately, nor is it mere admiration for how like you they seem, it certainty isn't the kind of connection that grows with each listen so you feel by imbibing the artists in your life you are growing a little. No it's the kind of connection you recognise instantly-you feel it in your bones with the first strains of music and when he/she begins to sing and you're even willing to entertain the slightly foolish notion that you're siblings of the same order-kindred spirits if you will be.

It's rare this kind of connection because we love so many artists for the diversity that they bring to our lives, for the way they train our ears to their sound and their message, for opening us to new ways of seeing and I'm sure many many more reasons. But this kind of connection is unique because it seems to take you back to somewhere ancient, some place no I don't want to use the word primal, even before that- a beginning of sorts. Your beginning. I haven't felt this way about too many artists and it's a good thing because over the past few days I have become obsessed with Marissa Nadler.

The moment I first heard the opening strains of Thinking of You  I immediately had that swooping sensation in my stomach a little like when you first realise you're in love but instead of throwing you off balance like love does, this feeling centers you. I guess it's what meditation should do. And then when I hear her cover of Famous Blue Raincoat (a song that holds so many memories for me that I would call it my favourite Cohen song if not for Chelsea Hotel No. 2)  I was lost. I am not someone who grudges covers but I am wary when it's a song I am already deeply attached to. Her version manages to break through that barrier. It is just as painful as Cohen's but adds a layer to it, turns the mystery of that song in a different direction and it becomes every bit her song.

I love that she is so gracefully dark. Why gracefully? I guess it's because it goes back to something I said to someone a long time back, that darkness can be very very beautiful that there's much to learn from it if we allow ourselves to. I was sick of the whole enlightenment spiel (at the time) a friend was giving me and I can remember how we coined the word 'endarkenment' as an anti thesis to it.  For as long as I can remember I've been preoccupied with pain.  I've had clashes with so many people about this though that I just shut up about it now. It's why poetry works so well for me and much of Marissa's writing reminds me of things I know, wonder about, some times don't have courage to write about.

I wrote a poem (Have you seen my sadness?) under her influence the other day and it's one I am happy with even though I know it needs more work. I took time with it, her music playing all the while in the background and it was just an amazing experience writing it. I love when that happens, when the writing is enough.

Read more about her at Pitchfork they have some great reviews of her albums. My favourite so far is Songs III Bird on the Water.

Farewell Amy

Last month I had started writing a post on female British musicians I loved because suddenly I realised they were all I was listening to. Anyway, the list included Adele (whose album I was sinking my teeth into at the time), Laura Marling, Lissie and of course Amy Winehouse. I had planned it all out. I knew I'd begin with Adele and end with Amy (both of them were my favourites). I had managed to write a little about the others but when I came to Amy I was at a loss for words. How to write about someone who speaks for herself especially in such a ballsy no holds barred kind of way. And how to address that power in her music without falling back on 'raw' 'gritty'  as descriptors. I felt ineffective writing about her then and now with her death I feel even more incapable of providing her with a fitting tribute. I can only be emotional and over the place at this point.

I was at a relative's place on July 23rd. My uncle was watching the England-India test match at Lords and as he was flipping through channels a headline leaped out at me "Amy Winehouse Found Dead" I immediately felt this chill go through me (and I also yelled "What??) and tears welled up in shock- it was like hearing about someone I knew and loved. 

Ever since that day, messages have been pouring in from all over, twitter exploded with  messages of condolence, mourning and shock. Other comments have been so derogatory and demeaning I wanted to hurl something. Even worse are the many people who seem to have a reaction of complacence-'she was doomed to die early,' 'are we really surprised' was one of the questions(well yes, death is always surprising); that she doesn't deserve mourning for all her "bad behaviour"(this was the worst) 

I was upset  but all this is part of the wide scope that a tragedy like this represents. It also speaks to what she represented for so many people. Brilliant. Troubled. One of a kind. (and tragically) Junkie. Her personal life was often fodder for mockery, tabloids were rife with stories about her and the British tabloids were particularly ruthless (so happy they are getting their comeuppance now) and now in her passing they mourn her. They call her a gifted musician whose personal demons overcame her as if they had no part to play in her issues. 

We seem to assume that with social networking on the rise and the invasive nature of tabloid journalism the element of mystery in our stars have gone. That we can know them. They are like us but we get to laugh and jeer at them for being just like us. This is only alienating. We don't know these people. And with someone like Amy it has only contributed to her downfall. We never understood her demons because we didn't want to. We wanted her to either be a figure of mockery- a symbol for all that can go wrong with a person, to use her as a cautionary tale for others and lament about the pitfalls of the business. As every detail of her life played out in front of us we got to pass on judgement on her without really knowing her. We got to pretend we knew her. 

Now she is gone and we never will. For Amy was in her music. Damaged, in pain, uncompromising and proudly so, she is now lost to us. Music has lost her.

There are better obituaries, better tributes out there but as I am winding this down I realise that this was never meant to be one. Like I had told a friend when I heard the news, I am shaken and angry. I am incapable of reflecting on her death, the shameless condemnation of her disease, her music- on what it all meant.

For now, I will simply defer to her music and let Amy speak for herself.

R.I.P Amy Jade Winehouse

   

Update: Lissie is apparently American. Sorry for the mix up.

On (possibly) leaving

I will be leaving Bangalore soon. And I'm not sure how to feel about it. As soon as I stepped into this city I hated it. It didn't help that I was going through a particularly bad phase at the time. So when I saw the dirty streets, the pot holes everywhere, the terrible traffic it was all too easy to project my terrible state onto the city. I painted the city in the most dreadful colours and my family still teases me about my habit of throwing my hands up in the air screaming"I hate this city" everytime the power in the city failed us (which was very often).

Now, as I am applying to study in Delhi (yes back there again) and mind you, the chances of me getting through the exam and into the course are not very high-even so, I'm feeling strange about leaving Bangalore. I still don't love this city. I hate the million malls that have erupted like mushrooms all over the city. I hate the fact that I had to walk past a ditch entertaining pigs, garbage, shit and god knows how many diseases, everyday on my way to the bus stop. I hate the fact that you go to a restaurant and spend oodles of money on food that isn't even that good.

I hate that I hate it.

I realise these things could apply to any city in India. But they do bother me more in Bangalore. My memory (from childhood) courts a different Bangalore, one with flowers blooming in trees, the wind sharp against your face and this lush greenness everywhere you looked. It was a limited view(I used to come on vacation) I know and a highly romanticised one. Who knows if the Bangalore that I thought I saw then was really there? But I thought it was real and that's what counts I guess. In a similar way I know a lot of people living here cannot picture themselves living anywhere else so maybe they are seeing a different city. A city that invokes strong ties despite the things I mentioned above. Things to complain about but with affection. I know what it's like to love a city like that.

Now, with the possibility of leaving looming large before me I have to consider that while this city holds no precious memories for me there's been a lot of inspiration here. There's been a lot of poetry written here and for that I can only be grateful. I think it takes a while to understand what a place does to you-that you have to leave it to know the things that have settled in your bones and skin. Right now, this indefinable feeling of loss and also relief makes me think it is like saying goodbye to a dysfunctional relationship.

You're glad it happened but also grateful that it's over.

Falling

"Heard about the guy who fell off a skyscraper? On his way down past each floor, he kept saying to reassure himself: So far so good... so far so good... so far so good. How you fall doesn't matter. It's how you land."
                         - La Haine


But this ocean must have a floor right?

Blue

Sometimes a day is just drenched in blue.

And then there's this:



The dancer's name is Melanie Moore. The music is from the movie New Moon from the Twilight Saga. I haven't watched the film but this has to be all that's good about it. I first saw Melanie is her audition for SYTYCD Season 8. Her audition is a shorter version of this and I watched it 10 times non stop. So obviously I had to see if there were more videos of her and then I found this one.

I love her bird like movements. I love how she's not too pretty is her poses. And like one of the commenters have said she dances with her entire body. Each movement is finished.

My blues have no place here. Awe can do that to you.

When did things start to suck so much?

I'll say it once I'll say it twice: Facebook sucks. And yet I remain on the idiotic site as if I were to leave I would lose all my friends and any semblance of a connection with the world. I hate that it makes people seem so accessible. I hate that you can't get over anything because there are constant reminders in the form of pictures or events or idiotic wallposts when all you want to do is forget. Instead there is the replay of every single ugly conversation and/or encounter and the constant reminder that your life is not what it once used to be.

And then here's an excellent article pointing out the function of facebook.

I realise what I've said above seems to be missing the point but while I fully agree with the whole facebook-is-a-business-and-it's-your-responsibility-what-you-do-with-the-tool, I really do hate what it's done to relationships. 

The Antlers: Burst Apart

The Antlers are back! Though I'd read about their new album a couple of days back I did not immediately run to youtube to begin listening to the album. Why, you ask. So many reasons:

1. Hospice while brilliant and heartbreaking is not an easy listen. It promises to bring you down and as each song builds on the previous, that promise is one you begin to wish they'd break.
2. I have been going through a dance-y pop-y phase where I do nothing but listen to Madonna's Holiday and bop about the room pretending I have a high ponytail. No, really. I love the song in a completely non ironic way.
3. I am way too depressed. I think this should count twice. Or thrice.

But then today I decided enough was enough, let's not delay the inevitable any longer. And if you're depressed only half way then it's time to go all the way right? And who else to bring you (further) down but these guys? But then as I am listening to Burst Apart something's different. Not off, but different. It's all still very haunting. There's layer over layer over layer of sound. There's some heartbreak but it feels a little like crawling through a tunnel and beginning to love the darkness a little. No I'm not losing my mind. There's something about standing in the middle of where you are, whatever it is you're feeling, standing where it is concentrated and to speak. And so then what you speak is undeniable. While with Hospice I felt like I was sinking into some kind of never ending abyss, Burst Apart feels like the center of an explosion. And I didn't think it was possible, but I'm loving it more.



My ineffective analogy is helped by their album cover which is a beautiful explosion of golden dust? Paint? Light?

A random long time no see post. And some music.

Intrigue shm-intrigue.

What? I can make up words. Anyway this song arrived in my inbox the other day and it's this interesting mix of sounds. Not in an unpleasant way though. God I'm unable to write anything smart about it. Just go listen to it.



On the other hand, Thao and Mirah's collaboration is too much sound for me. Don't get me wrong. I love Thao. I find her so... funky. Haha. I'm always bobbing my head and hopping around the room when I listen to her. And Mirah's pretty cool. I love "Don't Die in Me" And let's not forget this. But their latest venture together is an unfortunate mess in my head. I'm trying to acquire a taste for it. I know it's possible but I just don't have it in me. I don't usually post songs I don't like or feel 'meh' about but I'm still reserving judgement on this one. And some of my favourite-st songs are the ones that grew on me, that I took time to get to know.



And then the best news in years. New Bon Iver album. New song:



I can't be objective about this so not offering my usually, highly valid and credible critique. 

Playlist X

1. Your Song (covering Elton John)- Ellie Goulding
2. Celeste- Asobi Seksu
3. Rewind- Goldspot
4. Never Going Back Again- Fleetwood Mac
5. When We Swam- Thao with the Get Down Stay Down
6. Next Time Around- Little Joy
7. Thursday- Asobi Seksu
8. Welcome Home- Radical Face

Lovely. Creepy. Wood-sy. Video

SYTYCD Favourites

There's art and then there's Wade Robson.

SYTYCD Favourites

Granted this is from So You Think You Can Dance Canada but I still think it counts.

Mia Michaels irritated me so much in her judging stint(on the american show) that it began to affect the way I felt about the pieces she choreographed. I remember being not so impressed by the piece she did with Billy, Alex and Ade on 'time' in the first episode of the season. And the season hadn't even started yet. But then SYTYCD Canada happened just after and she was back to doing just what she does best- choreographing. This is beyond doubt one my favouritest group numbers. Every single dancer was brilliant. I don't I'll crowd this post with too many words.

Playlist IX

1. Service Bell- Grizzly Bear & Feist

2. Strawberry Letter 23- Shuggie Otis

3. A Waltz For A Night- Julie Delpy

4. Rolling In the Deep- Adele

5. Dead Leaves and The Dirty Ground- The White Stripes

6. This Is a Film- Iggy Pop

7. Fools in Love-Inara George

8. Guyamas Sonora- Beirut

Latest addiction:

Shuggie Addict

Have I mentioned just how much I love this song?



Thank you Skins! I seem to be thinking and saying that a lot these days.

Blogging personas

In straddling two blogs I have come to own two very different sets of identities. Tiny Dancer did come first and in the beginning one blog was enough trouble. I didn't have too many people reading my blog save for one loyal follower whom I ended up writing to, for the most part. Over time, the blog has become less of a response to this person ( I have also since, lost this loyal follower. Tragedy=Life) and more of a general response to everything(yes I know that's vague). Which ended up affecting the kind of poems I wrote.

As time went by though, I had things to say that weren't poem-y. I wanted to talk about music and movies and while I am insecure enough about my poems god I am so much more frightened about sharing my views on... anything. Especially music, movies and the like. It's asking for trouble you know? But like I have mentioned before, I am a super sized geek. Seriously, the biggest you could find. That blimp you see floating by your window? Me. So as I immersed myself more in the TV, music and movie critiques (of more articulate others) I slowly convinced myself that if I couldn't be articulate I could at least mimic it(It's possible.You can do it too!). There aren't too many people who read this blog. In fact it feels so comfortably tucked away I can be as mis informed, off the mark in my choices, my taste and critiques as I want. (See that huge dark shadow looming before you? Say hello to my inferiority complex. Say it!)

And so this blog emerged out of a big fat inferiority complex, a need to hide from regular followers and wanting to put stuff out there with out any backlash, thank you very much! What? Don't judge me. People have kids for far more spurious reasons.