The year end.

Every time I start with a blog post there’s always a purpose -I’m not sure whether this ever comes across but I always start with the best of intentions. I’m starting this one without having anything particular to say.

It’s the year end and looking back on what has probably been my most memorable (oxymoronic-I’m getting some secret pleasure out of knowing that I’m the only one who gets this in its entirety) year yet, I am taking some time to contemplate my fingers. And my toes. I feel like they should have changed in some obvious way because they do feel different. My entire body feels different.

So maybe I’ll run through this year, though a lot of it is still in a haze.This is of course very personal and very boring for anyone who doesn’t know me (who am I kidding? It’s boring for those that do as well):

January: Something changed imperceptibly when poetry began in me. Tiny Dancer came alive for the first time and I started something that a lot of people have frequently scratched their heads about since. “You write?? Whaaa? I didn’t know!“ Neither did I.

February: Delhi misery set in like no other. With a thesis full of holes up for submission, I spent much time moving between disgust for myself and my teachers.

March: Addictions began to tell their toll and we began faltering for the first time. Though when I think about it… it probably began a long, long time ago.

April: Exams and Vivas should have taken the forefront but they didn’t.

May: A reprise in Shimla. An explosion in Bangalore.

June: Even Madras couldn’t help.

July: Employment, finally!

August: Shillong, Shillong Shillong.

September: Work blues. Joined PFFA and began to take writing a lot more seriously. I also had my first real epiphany about what craft is and the bullshit that people pass off as craft. I think this really marked my growing up-if not as a writer then definitely in how I view the world. Contrary to my previously held but flimsy opinion, this did not make poetry any less beautiful to me. Also of importance, this month marked the birth of this blog.

October: Conoor, A Cats eye generated epiphany.

November: Hazy-why can’t I remember? Oh yes-a reunion leaving me itchy. A breakup (?) leaving me dumbfounded. Somehow along the way apathy set in and I am officially disillusioned.

December: Musing on the year end and wondering what I would have changed about it. I wish I could say I had no regrets. But if anything, this year has been filled with events I wish I could erase.

Well this ended up pretty purposeful.