A day of discoveries

Sigh, happy happy happy am I. 

I see a theme here

What can I say?

Everything predicates itself on you and me. 

Kinship, writing and Marissa Nadler

Have you ever come across an artist with whom you felt an instant connection? This connection is different from others, it's not merely that the artist speak of things you know well and intimately, nor is it mere admiration for how like you they seem, it certainty isn't the kind of connection that grows with each listen so you feel by imbibing the artists in your life you are growing a little. No it's the kind of connection you recognise instantly-you feel it in your bones with the first strains of music and when he/she begins to sing and you're even willing to entertain the slightly foolish notion that you're siblings of the same order-kindred spirits if you will be.

It's rare this kind of connection because we love so many artists for the diversity that they bring to our lives, for the way they train our ears to their sound and their message, for opening us to new ways of seeing and I'm sure many many more reasons. But this kind of connection is unique because it seems to take you back to somewhere ancient, some place no I don't want to use the word primal, even before that- a beginning of sorts. Your beginning. I haven't felt this way about too many artists and it's a good thing because over the past few days I have become obsessed with Marissa Nadler.

The moment I first heard the opening strains of Thinking of You  I immediately had that swooping sensation in my stomach a little like when you first realise you're in love but instead of throwing you off balance like love does, this feeling centers you. I guess it's what meditation should do. And then when I hear her cover of Famous Blue Raincoat (a song that holds so many memories for me that I would call it my favourite Cohen song if not for Chelsea Hotel No. 2)  I was lost. I am not someone who grudges covers but I am wary when it's a song I am already deeply attached to. Her version manages to break through that barrier. It is just as painful as Cohen's but adds a layer to it, turns the mystery of that song in a different direction and it becomes every bit her song.

I love that she is so gracefully dark. Why gracefully? I guess it's because it goes back to something I said to someone a long time back, that darkness can be very very beautiful that there's much to learn from it if we allow ourselves to. I was sick of the whole enlightenment spiel (at the time) a friend was giving me and I can remember how we coined the word 'endarkenment' as an anti thesis to it.  For as long as I can remember I've been preoccupied with pain.  I've had clashes with so many people about this though that I just shut up about it now. It's why poetry works so well for me and much of Marissa's writing reminds me of things I know, wonder about, some times don't have courage to write about.

I wrote a poem (Have you seen my sadness?) under her influence the other day and it's one I am happy with even though I know it needs more work. I took time with it, her music playing all the while in the background and it was just an amazing experience writing it. I love when that happens, when the writing is enough.

Read more about her at Pitchfork they have some great reviews of her albums. My favourite so far is Songs III Bird on the Water.

Farewell Amy

Last month I had started writing a post on female British musicians I loved because suddenly I realised they were all I was listening to. Anyway, the list included Adele (whose album I was sinking my teeth into at the time), Laura Marling, Lissie and of course Amy Winehouse. I had planned it all out. I knew I'd begin with Adele and end with Amy (both of them were my favourites). I had managed to write a little about the others but when I came to Amy I was at a loss for words. How to write about someone who speaks for herself especially in such a ballsy no holds barred kind of way. And how to address that power in her music without falling back on 'raw' 'gritty'  as descriptors. I felt ineffective writing about her then and now with her death I feel even more incapable of providing her with a fitting tribute. I can only be emotional and over the place at this point.

I was at a relative's place on July 23rd. My uncle was watching the England-India test match at Lords and as he was flipping through channels a headline leaped out at me "Amy Winehouse Found Dead" I immediately felt this chill go through me (and I also yelled "What??) and tears welled up in shock- it was like hearing about someone I knew and loved. 

Ever since that day, messages have been pouring in from all over, twitter exploded with  messages of condolence, mourning and shock. Other comments have been so derogatory and demeaning I wanted to hurl something. Even worse are the many people who seem to have a reaction of complacence-'she was doomed to die early,' 'are we really surprised' was one of the questions(well yes, death is always surprising); that she doesn't deserve mourning for all her "bad behaviour"(this was the worst) 

I was upset  but all this is part of the wide scope that a tragedy like this represents. It also speaks to what she represented for so many people. Brilliant. Troubled. One of a kind. (and tragically) Junkie. Her personal life was often fodder for mockery, tabloids were rife with stories about her and the British tabloids were particularly ruthless (so happy they are getting their comeuppance now) and now in her passing they mourn her. They call her a gifted musician whose personal demons overcame her as if they had no part to play in her issues. 

We seem to assume that with social networking on the rise and the invasive nature of tabloid journalism the element of mystery in our stars have gone. That we can know them. They are like us but we get to laugh and jeer at them for being just like us. This is only alienating. We don't know these people. And with someone like Amy it has only contributed to her downfall. We never understood her demons because we didn't want to. We wanted her to either be a figure of mockery- a symbol for all that can go wrong with a person, to use her as a cautionary tale for others and lament about the pitfalls of the business. As every detail of her life played out in front of us we got to pass on judgement on her without really knowing her. We got to pretend we knew her. 

Now she is gone and we never will. For Amy was in her music. Damaged, in pain, uncompromising and proudly so, she is now lost to us. Music has lost her.

There are better obituaries, better tributes out there but as I am winding this down I realise that this was never meant to be one. Like I had told a friend when I heard the news, I am shaken and angry. I am incapable of reflecting on her death, the shameless condemnation of her disease, her music- on what it all meant.

For now, I will simply defer to her music and let Amy speak for herself.

R.I.P Amy Jade Winehouse

   

Update: Lissie is apparently American. Sorry for the mix up.

The Antlers: Burst Apart

The Antlers are back! Though I'd read about their new album a couple of days back I did not immediately run to youtube to begin listening to the album. Why, you ask. So many reasons:

1. Hospice while brilliant and heartbreaking is not an easy listen. It promises to bring you down and as each song builds on the previous, that promise is one you begin to wish they'd break.
2. I have been going through a dance-y pop-y phase where I do nothing but listen to Madonna's Holiday and bop about the room pretending I have a high ponytail. No, really. I love the song in a completely non ironic way.
3. I am way too depressed. I think this should count twice. Or thrice.

But then today I decided enough was enough, let's not delay the inevitable any longer. And if you're depressed only half way then it's time to go all the way right? And who else to bring you (further) down but these guys? But then as I am listening to Burst Apart something's different. Not off, but different. It's all still very haunting. There's layer over layer over layer of sound. There's some heartbreak but it feels a little like crawling through a tunnel and beginning to love the darkness a little. No I'm not losing my mind. There's something about standing in the middle of where you are, whatever it is you're feeling, standing where it is concentrated and to speak. And so then what you speak is undeniable. While with Hospice I felt like I was sinking into some kind of never ending abyss, Burst Apart feels like the center of an explosion. And I didn't think it was possible, but I'm loving it more.



My ineffective analogy is helped by their album cover which is a beautiful explosion of golden dust? Paint? Light?

A random long time no see post. And some music.

Intrigue shm-intrigue.

What? I can make up words. Anyway this song arrived in my inbox the other day and it's this interesting mix of sounds. Not in an unpleasant way though. God I'm unable to write anything smart about it. Just go listen to it.



On the other hand, Thao and Mirah's collaboration is too much sound for me. Don't get me wrong. I love Thao. I find her so... funky. Haha. I'm always bobbing my head and hopping around the room when I listen to her. And Mirah's pretty cool. I love "Don't Die in Me" And let's not forget this. But their latest venture together is an unfortunate mess in my head. I'm trying to acquire a taste for it. I know it's possible but I just don't have it in me. I don't usually post songs I don't like or feel 'meh' about but I'm still reserving judgement on this one. And some of my favourite-st songs are the ones that grew on me, that I took time to get to know.



And then the best news in years. New Bon Iver album. New song:



I can't be objective about this so not offering my usually, highly valid and credible critique. 

Playlist X

1. Your Song (covering Elton John)- Ellie Goulding
2. Celeste- Asobi Seksu
3. Rewind- Goldspot
4. Never Going Back Again- Fleetwood Mac
5. When We Swam- Thao with the Get Down Stay Down
6. Next Time Around- Little Joy
7. Thursday- Asobi Seksu
8. Welcome Home- Radical Face

Lovely. Creepy. Wood-sy. Video

Shuggie Addict

Have I mentioned just how much I love this song?



Thank you Skins! I seem to be thinking and saying that a lot these days.

Grouper

Today was a crappy day. Not because anything spectacularly bad happened. But nothing went particularly well. And since I end up feeling either stuck or moving too quickly for my liking these days, I would love to pause for a moment and enjoy the stillness. I want to live inside this song. I want to fall asleep in it and wake up with it so I am dreaming when I wake, so I never have to worry about anything ever again-anything but the music stopping, that is.

How have I not heard this artist before?

Playlist VIII

Melancholia overstays its welcome.

1. Be Here Now- Ray La Montagne
2. Riverman- Nick Drake
3. My Body is a Cage(covering Arcade Fire)- Peter Gabriel
4. Made- Greg Weeks
5. Stranger song- Leonard Cohen
6. Spell- Nick Cave & the Bad  Seeds
7. Playground Love- AIR
8. Flume- Bon Iver
9. Too Much- Sufjan Stevens
10.Sweet Dreams- Emily Browning (Sucker Punch Soundtrack)




This just messes with my head. Have you seen Emily Browning? She is tiny. And really non-threatening. I saw her in the terrible, terrible remake of "A Tale of Two Sisters" and I just hated her. This cover really helps me change my mind if not about her acting prowesses but her general appeal. The cover is dark, heavy and just the right amount of seductive. I want to see Sucker Punch just for this. (The rest of the soundtrack is just as amazing)Which I've heard is the only reason you might enjoy the movie. 

Weekend happiness

Playlist VII

My Skins playlist

1. And The Living Is Easy- Guts

2. Aht  Uh Mi Head- Shuggie Oats
3. Hope In the Air- Laura Marling
4. Fear and Resilience (Dangerous Mouse mix)-Pedro
5. Lady Belles-Timothy Victor

6. Shove it- Santogold
7. They Stay Down Deep-Giselle
8. Childhood-Beach House
9. Dragonfly- M. Craft
10. Glockenspiel song- Dog is Dead

11. Undertaker- The Moondoggies
12. Lions- Jonquil
13. We Can't Fly- Aeroplanes
14. Waiting for My chance to Come- Noah and The Whale
15. Good Times Gonna Come- Aqualung

I'll set you free

Playlist VI

Serpent Charmer- Iron & Wine
Civilian- Wye Oak
House By The Sea- Iron & Wine
We Can't Fly- Aeroplanes
In The Backseat- Arcade Fire
Fairytales &Firesides-Passenger
Peace Beneath the City- Iron & Wine
Undertaker-The Moondoggies
Fall Into Faith- Oliver Girdler
Lover of Mine- Beach House
Close Your Eyes- Micah P. Hinson

Maggie May

Everyone has a Maggie May.

A friend

Some times hearts surprise you with the number of times they can break. Even so, it does get easier after a point to go through it even though a broken heart becomes the only way you can feel whole again. Then some songs come along and just help you slide into it. So you find it easier to sleep with the heart under your pillow, find it outside your window, eat with it as it cracks apart a little more. There are some songs that allow you to be a friend to that heart.

Passenger

I have definitely featured this artist here before. But I failed to mention how he has completely taken over my life. I first heard Passenger in S's house. It was early last year when I was dabbling in a little unemployment here, a little broke-ness there (you know, just because I like to). I had run away to Madras for 3 weeks in the hopes that someone there would give me a job. Anyway, so on what was the last day (I didn't find a job) we were sitting on the floor of her living room after dinner with at least three laptops open and my ipod all good and ready to steal her music from her when she was like  " Oh my god, Kow! (I don't understand why my friends spell it like that. I guess it's because I'm not a real cow? I can hope.) I have to make you listen to this guy!" I was all like "Yeah yeah in a minute, let me finish taking AIR (J'adore! See what I did?? No..? No?) from you." Anyway, she chuckled, cursed me ( because occasionally we pretend that we're bad ass gangsters who curse as we breathe) and went on with whatever she was doing. Anyway, so I opened itunes and played "The Last Unicorn" and then oh my god Mike Rosenberg's voice filled the room and in an instant I was hooked. Anyway, after that I have listened to the album Wide Eyes Blind Love so many times that on Lastfm I think that I have the highest number of plays for Passenger. Quite an accomplishment.

Anyway, I wish I could convey how much I love this guy. I know there's a band in there but for me it's just him. I often try (and fail) to write about music on this blog. It's just too damn hard. I'd consider it a fine achievement if I could but as I work on that skill why don't you read his interview here (he's also really funny in a way that only Brit's can be) and then go look for his album Wide Eyes Blind Love?

Northern Soul

I desperately want to learn how to dance northern soul. And the music! So much fun!

Obsessed

Obsession can be good. Very good.

1. Arcade Fire-Neighborhood #2 (Laika)

Just discovering the Funeral album. I know, I know it's a little late. 

2. Bon Iver- Blood Bank

Obsessed doesn't even cover it.

3. Sufjan Stevens- Vesuvius

Finally I have sunk my teeth into the Age of Adz album and can affirm that it is brilliant. Crazy Sufjan magic.

4. Cat Power- Fool

Yay Skins! Also a new obsession.

5. Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds- O Children!

Melancholy at its best.

Songs that leap

You know how when you're listening to a song and then suddenly a moment leaps out and makes perfect sense? And you can't explain why, but you fall in love with the entire song just for that one moment? And that when that moment arrives you feel like you're at home-even understood? Moments like these always make me feel an instant connection with the songwriters and I feel that happy connectivity where I can believe that we are all made from one single star that spiraled somewhere For me these moments often come in the guise of the lyrics of a song. They don't come by very often but when they do they are much loved. I am usually resistant to talking about them but today I think I'd like to put them down. And I have already made it clear that I love talking about things I love.

(Disclaimer: The songs are not listed in order of preference)

1)Nick Drake: Really. Is anyone surprised that his song will be on this list? He's beautiful. I think it takes some amount of heartbreak and loneliness to understand him. Though when I read about him I feel like he was born that way. I think I used to look at him as some wounded, jaded butterfly-almost as a specimen that I found too beautiful to take in. But I held my arms out long ago, and his butterfly wings beat now, lightly in my head, heart -everywhere.

Song: At The Chime of a City Clock

        

        And at the beat of the city drum

        See how your friends come in twos;

        Or threes or more.

        For the sound of a busy place

        Is fine for a pretty face       

        Who knows what a face is for.

Can you tell me what a face is for?

2) Sufjan Stevens: Sufjan is an artist. I rarely feel that way about musicians. His work is art. And faced with it I always feel that chocked feeling in my throat where I'm so certain of the worth of something that it scares me. I feel like I am on the brink of of losing my mind and he's taking me with him. Good art does that. When you can't verbalize or intellectualize it. It just is. And as you can see my struggle is with doing this to his music his words. There is violence in this attempt but deserving I think. A short summary of the song is needed. John Wayne Gacy was a famous serial killer. But no it's not his recounting of the person that John Wayne Gacy, Jr was, that was startling, but his quiet reveal about himself:

Song: John Wayne Gacy, Jr.

         "And in my best behavior

         I am really just like him

         Look beneath the floorboards

         For the secrets I have hid"

And in the end, when he sighs quietly. I catch my breath.

3) The Shins: I have written about The Past and Pending way too many times. And for me the entire song is a moment. I love each and every moment in that song. It's a standalone in that sense. So I thought I'd pick one of the first songs I heard of The Shins. The song just packs a punch in the opening lines. For the longest time I would listen only to the beginning.

Song: Caring is Creepy

    

       "I think I'll go home and mull this over 

       Before I cram it down my throat
       At long last it's crashed, its colossal mass
       Has broken up into bits in my moat." 

I feel it, I feel it- in my gut.

4) Antje Duvekot: Antje Duvekot has this way of drawing images in very short sentences. It's the way I have always tried to write. I tend to prefer reading poems that are written similarly. In fact I am trying to develop a taste for poems that have a sentence that runs for more than two verses because I do feel like I am missing out sometimes. But I digress. Coming back to her music, there is something unapologetically dark about it. And I love that. Again, this is the first song hers that I had heard.

Song: Erin

        

         "Oh my hand I will stand

         as the world turns around me

         Lock the door to the yard

         Where the wind is bound

         Take all my fragile anchors away" 

Bound wind.

5) The Antlers: Admittedly I have heard only one album of theirs (Hospice) but do I need a bigger reason than this album to love them? I don't think so. This is such a painful album to listen to because it's so raw. People say that so often about things. I always think of an open wound smarting every time it is touched. I stay in a permanent wince when I hear this song. 

Song: Epilogue

         

          .. And like before you've got no interest

         in the life you live when you're awake

        Your dreams still follow storylines, like

        fictions you would make" 

I chose the epilogue but the rest of the story is just as compelling.

       

I hope I can make this a regular thing.