Poetry III

Today I woke up with a poem in my head. I figure that’s an excellent way to wake up. That’s what I have been doing a lot these days-waking up with lines I could use, words I could replace and poems of mine that need editing. The online poetry workshop is working excellently and I strongly recommend it for anyone who wants to improve. I posted my first poem around a month back-very gingerly. I was very apprehensive-I’d seen some of the crits other people had gotten and I was just a wee bit terrified. The site clearly states that if what you’re looking for is a pat on the head for good work done then this is not the place for you. So I mulled over that for a while. I told myself if all I wanted were pats on the head then maybe I should head somewhere else. I do not handle criticism very well (really who does?) in the sense that I end up taking it to heart see it as a reflection of who I am. I do not get defensive-I get very insecure and just give up. And I knew that I didn’t want to give up. I love writing. There I said it. I can’t escape from that now and I can’t be lazy about it either. Anyway I remembered Rilke’s “Letters to a young poet” and this part that has always stayed with me:

”Go into yourself. Find out the reason that commands you to write; see whether it has spread its roots into the very depths of your heart; confess to yourself whether you would have to die if you were forbidden to write. This most of all: ask yourself in the most silent hour of your night: must I write? Dig into yourself for a deep answer. And if this answer rings out in assent, if you meet this solemn question with a strong, simple "I must," then build your life in accordance with this necessity; your while life, even into its humblest and most indifferent hour, must become a sign and witness to this impulse"

I have had that epiphany. So I realized then that yes I would love for people to like my work and I would love to be told that I am a brilliant writer but that really doesn’t change anything. I haven’t been writing for as long as some of the people I know but I have a fair idea that this is what I like doing now. And because of that I must work on it. It deserves that effort from me. So the opinions of others do matter. I would also like that opinion to be credible. I would like to feel like I deserve it. Friends, family, people who love us, will tell us a great many things because they are the guardians of our soul -for that we must cherish them. Not so much for their opinion. And this does not mean they do not hold worthy opinions- it’s just that love screws things up a little. Love is the ink blot, the water colour stain hiding truth behind it. We can get truth only from the unsympathetic stranger who owes us nothing.

Anyway so after I first posted my poem I waited eagerly for responses. The first response that came wasn’t so good. I was pretty disheartened so for a long time I didn’t go to the site. I wrote a little on the side-told myself that maybe they just didn’t get the way I wrote, and many more such rationalisations I offered myself. Then recently I went back and I found that 3 more people had responded-one of them having gone through the trouble to dissect the poem line by line-even I hadn’t done that. Forget that this is a criteria for staying in the workshop (one post=3 critiques of other people’s work) so one might reason he was just doing his part to stay in the workshop. Maybe. But this person even sent me a private message to tell me what he thought needed work. And he was encouraging. He liked my concept-he just thought it needed working on. I also realised that everyone who had responded liked my basic concept which is more than I can ask for as a beginner. It is humbling to be a part of this workshop. So after a month I put up another poem. Responses were varied-one person said they didn’t get what I was trying to convey. Another, loved it so much she compared me to Emily Dickinson. Seriously. How great is that?

I strongly recommend putting yourself(or rather, your work) out there. Don’t tell yourself it doesn’t matter because it does. Otherwise you have no business doing the thing you claim to love-this goes for all those who create and seek to add something to this world by way of that creation.It deserves your sweat, your blood, your tears- your effort.